I first learned about you three years ago and back then I was a hardcore Republican. Now I’m basically a socialist hippie. What have you done to me?
I’ve sharpened your critical thinking skills while helping you become less selfish.

Thoughts on the Daniel Holtzclaw verdict?
I watched that shit live. Sweet, sweet justice. (And it felt deeply satisfying to see an all-white jury in Oklahoma convict a police officer of crimes against black women.)

Please help me articulate why “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” and “religions don’t kill people, people kill people” are not the same thing.
They are the same thing, both thought terminating clichés, equally vacuous and without meaning. The larger point is that when it comes to killing people, guns are too often the method, and religion is too often the justification.

Why was I so annoyed when my roommate said that I “don’t need to worry about getting raped because I’m an Indian girl”, as oppose to blonde and white like her?
Your roommate is a racist cunt. Feel free to tell her I said so.

I worked at a shitty job for 8 months, they made my life hell just so they could get me to leave. My unemployment is almost done, why do I keep obsessing over their social media accounts and why can’t I move on?
Because you’re young and entitled and you’re not used to having your ass kicked.

’tis the season for giving and I’ve finally realized there are much more needy people than my family and friends. Where would you send your money to do the most good?
Planned Parenthood.

What’s your crush like? The person, I mean.
Tall and strong with beautiful eyes. Funny and kind. Still in love with somebody else.

She told me she is pregnant. I don’t really feel anything. I mean, I get it but … whatever. Shouldn’t I feel some emotions?
Don’t worry. You will.

I love my boyfriend but when he’s really drunk he’s kind of a dick to me. What do I do?
Don’t put up with it.

Is the Myers–Briggs personality test bullshit? It strikes me as a fancier way of asking people what their “sign” is.
Myers-Briggs is pop-psych candy, but technically it’s a psychometric instrument. It’s a blunt tool, and it’s totally subjective, but at least it actually measures something. (I’m not endorsing it. I’m just saying that it’s not as bad as astrology.)

Have you changed your mind about emojis yet?
Reluctantly, yes. I recognize their cultural and semiotic relevance. I’m still judgy about people who use them constantly and without wit, but I’ve come to accept emojis as part of our digital vocabulary.

I never want to be the type of person who doubts a woman’s word, but Farrah Abraham is such a duplicitous attention whore- can her accusation really be as authentic as Stoya, Joanna Angel, et al?
Yes.

I’m 22, I have 10k in my savings account and no debt. What should I do with it?
Not a goddamn thing. Save your fucking money. You’ll know when it’s time to spend it.

I’m starting to think that boys are pretty much the same everywhere and that none of them will ever be The One. Am I wrong?
Nope.

Do you want to get married someday?
I don’t care whether I get married, but I’d like to find a life partner or two.

I no longer enjoy your comments section. It’s the same couple of people talking the exact same shit.
Get in there and fuck some shit up.

Liberation feminism or equality feminism?
In a patriarchal society, there is no difference.

What do I do if I don’t like the politics of my therapist?
Find another therapist. (It’s less about the politics, and more about your therapist making inappropriate self-disclosures.)

do you buy the whole “social liberal, fiscal conservative” thing? People who call themselves that make me uneasy. Aren’t the two ideologies interlinked?
When someone says they’re “socially liberal but fiscally conservative,” what they really mean is, “I wanna do whatever I want, and I don’t wanna pay any taxes.” It’s a phrase for Republican apologists and selfish people who aren’t quite ready to identify as libertarians.

What I’ve learnt in the past few years, through your blog and in my own life, is that nothing lasts forever. I want to get this realisation tattooed on my body but I can’t seem to find a way to put in down in four or five simple words. Some help, please?
The phrase you’re looking for is “sic transit gloria mundi,” and I hope you appreciate the irony of permanently signifying your impermanence.

I have always felt as though the way you ring in New Years Eve has a way of affecting the way the rest of your year goes. How do I stop feeling superstitious about it?
New Years Eve does have an effect on the way the rest of your year goes, but New Years Eve is not special. Every minute of every hour of every day has the exact same effect. When you realize that each present moment is equally new, you will no longer feel superstitious about New Years Eve.

What are your rules for an open relationship?
It doesn’t matter what my rules are. Make your own.

Bit by bit, I’m giving up.
Okay. Bit by bit, find something new.

I was giving him head, I looked up, and he was texting. Why did I keep going?
Because you weren’t finished.

How do I stop being a pretentious douche?
Cultivate your personality instead of curating your identity.

Convince me not to stay with a guy who (mid-intercourse) removed the condom I asked him to wear less than a month after I had an abortion.
If he doesn’t respect you with his actions, then his words mean nothing. You deserve respect. You deserve better than him, and you will feel better about yourself once he’s out of your life.

You’re a lot less mean and vicious than you were even two years ago. What happened to mellow you out?
It’s not just me. We’re all growing up.

I’ve been out with a new guy on about 4 dates. He recently told me that he has never been in a relationship. We’re both 26. Red flag?
Depends on what he considers a relationship. If it means he’s never been in love, it’s not a red flag. If it means he’s never been exclusive, it’s a yellow flag. If it means he’s never gone on a 5th date, it’s a red flag.

I slipped out of my old long-term relationship and quickly fell into him. Are all rebounds doomed to fail?
The only reason rebounds fail is because they’re defined by the previous relationship. If you have enough respect for your new relationship to stop considering it a rebound, then that won’t be the reason that it fails.

I told my dad I was gay. He said he loves me but *God willing* I’d be able to turn straight one day. Please help. I don’t know what to do right now.
You don’t have to do anything. You’re fine for now. Eventually, your father will be the one to change. If he is a decent man who loves you, his ignorance will slowly start to wear away into compassion, then understanding, then acceptance. It will take time, so be patient and be strong.

Why is it so painful to exist?
It isn’t painful to exist. It’s painful to think you exist. Stop thinking, and you will stop being in pain.

What do you think about Stoya’s accusation that James Deen raped her?
I absolutely believe her, and I’m not the least bit surprised.

The guy I’ve been casually been sleeping with was sexually abused as a child. We’re not a couple, but I have strong opinions on some of his self-destructive behavior that stems from the abuse. Where is the line of “not my place to comment” in this situation?
The sexual abuse is immaterial to your question, as are your strong opinions. What matters is the extent to which his self-destructive behavior negatively affects you. If you’re having to deal with the consequences if his behavior, that’s when it becomes your business.

Why is there such a stigma surrounding age differences in relationships? I’m currently dating a man 8 years older than me and my family and friends constantly give me looks of disdain or question the legitimacy of our relationship. What gives?
Well, it kinda depends on whether you’re 17 or 30. Assuming you’re somewhere in the middle, you can safely ignore any disdain as long as the age difference isn’t causing a power imbalance in the relationship. (Then again, you have to be mature enough to know whether it does.)

I just met this guy. I like him and we had great conversation both times we were out (for hours) but he sucks on text and doesn’t get back to me promptly. We had plans to see each other today but it’s 4pm and I still haven’t heard back from him. What’s up with that?
He’s a flake. The world’s full of ’em. (As a general rule, don’t keep flakes around. People in your life should be reliable.)

He told me he likes me. I feel the same way…now what?
Spend some time together.

Is love supposed to feel like an anxiety attack?
No.

Working in a job you hate to get that first year of experience in the field- do it right?
Yep, and if you only have to do it for a year, consider yourself lucky.

Why does your twitter annoy me, while I read and reread all of your blog posts religiously?
Because twitter is cliquish and my off-the-cuff remarks make you feel excluded, whereas my blog is more thoughtful and the intimacy of it makes you feel included.