For years me and my brother have been living with abuse from my mother. She’s had a rough life riddled with the most terrible shit and mental illness to go with it.

Recently, we’ve come to the end of our ropes with her. The abuse has affected both of us in our adult lives –manifesting in social anxiety and fear of confrontation.

I want to cut her out of my life, but I don’t know if I should just stop speaking to her forever or write a letter detailing the harm done and why I can no longer have her in my life.

To make the whole thing more difficult, and honestly the reason why we’re still in contact with her at all, she threatens to kill herself whenever anyone confronts her about this behaviour. A part of me is afraid of pushing her over the edge, because we’re all she has left. But, I guess another part of me is wanting to call her bluff.

Is my thinking clear? Am I completely fucked up on the matter? I feel altogether ill-equipped for this situation. While I want to choose inaction, she’s been forcing my hand by harassing me with messages.

Thank you for listening if you have the time. I hope you’re keeping hydrated.

Write the letter, but write it for yourself knowing that you’re not going to send it to your mother. Be brutally honest, don’t edit yourself, and put it all down on paper. It will be a useful exercise in expressing exactly what you wish you could say to her.

Once you’ve written it, set it aside for a while. Come back to it whenever you need to add more thoughts. Feel free to start new drafts. Let it become a living document, a reference for all the negative shit you feel. Give it a while for the message to solidify and become strong.

In the meantime, try not to interact with your mother unless it’s on your terms. Establish firm boundaries and practice enforcing them. Eventually, your goal will be to only have contact when and if you want it. Cutting her out of your life will be a process, so don’t stop speaking to her all at once. Like you said, you aren’t equipped for that yet.

She may be your mother, but you’re the one who makes the rules now. She doesn’t get to force your hand. Don’t give her that power, and don’t let her manipulate you with threats of self harm.

Remember, you can’t choose inaction. All of this will be a deliberate, active choice, so let it be a conscious decision that comes from a place of strength.

Your fingerprints are all over the new season of Orange is the New Black.

And I see you schilling out for Netflix shit right now in preparation for when you talk about Orange – because you will, and have for the last two seasons- so that it doesn’t seem suspicious. You’ve clearly got a thing going with Netflix, and that’s why you’re schilling for them in the first place.

Which made me wonder if maybe your blog was started all the way back in 2009 as a sort of preemptive grass-roots advertising movement devised personally for Netflix by our generation’s Leo Burnett. That would take some extreme foresight and dedication to carrying out that plan, though, because it was certainly a long pay off. It depressed me to think of you in that way- whoever you are- so I decided to table that idea for later.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that the Nicky episode is real on point. I felt real feelings watching that entire episode, from top to bottom.

I also wanted you to know that I can see that you’ve spent the last three years dipping your pen in a lot of different ink, and I appreciate the impact you’re having on popular culture- whether it’s through work that you are personally doing, or through just putting your ideas out there on the internet for other people to read and integrate into their own work.

Thank you for that. Godspeed, bitch.

Okay, I appreciate the kind words, but you’re a little bit paranoid if you think I’m part of some grandiose Madison Avenue conspiracy.

I don’t shill. I make Netflix recommendations because I have a subscription. I’m the one paying them. They are not paying me. (Although I’d be happy to sell them a TV show.)

I haven’t started OINTB3 yet. It’s something I’ll have to binge watch, and I don’t have enough free time until later this month, but now you’ve got me curious about what you think my fingerprints look like.

Thanks for giving me more credit than I deserve. Godspeed back at’cha.

Well I like a guy who initiated our talks, got me to fall for him, and then went back saying that he cannot continue the relationship because he is still in love with his ex, who by the way is married and has two kids. So its like he is mourning a relationship which is 7 years old. Now he pushes me away and then writes sentimental messages that pull me. I am in a fix , is he indifferent, is he seriously in love with his ex, or is he playing me. P.S he has not given me any information about himself, but has all of mine.

Classic. You are being fucked with by an emotionally unavailable fuckboy. If you’re smart, you’ll never speak to him again.

I’ve been accepted to Stanford, Northwestern, Columbia, and Georgetown Law schools; as well as Sandra Day O’Connor at ASU (my sure thing, in case I didn’t get into any of the others).

Money isn’t a problem. Whichever one you tell me to attend, I will attend.

Damn. Congratulations. Go to Stanford.

(If you know now that you eventually want to practice law in New York or DC, then consider Columbia or Georgetown respectively, but only if there’s value in establishing yourself in those cities during law school.)

I have a boring adulthood question for you. My rent is going up, I need to buy a car this summer, and my hourly wage is not keeping up. I work at a large university; the positions are very structured and extremely carefully regulated by HR. That is to say, raises and promotions don’t really happen around here. Generally, to get paid more, one must look for another exiting position. I really like my department and my coworkers. I’ve been doing some extra work recently to cover for a coworker who is on maternity leave. Also, there’s a possibility of a promotion in a year when my supervisor retires. Do I a) ask for a raise, even though it’s very unusual; b) sit tight, build karma, and hope the promotion pans out; or c) just look for another (probably less pleasant but higher paying) job?

You’re forgetting option D: Find another job that pays more and use it as leverage for a raise in your current job. (That’s how you get raises and promotions in places that don’t usually offer them.) Of course, the trick is you actually have to deserve the raise. Your bosses have to be willing to go to bat for you with HR. They have to want you to stay more than you want to leave. You can’t be easily replaceable, and it’s a card you can only play once every few years at the most. (You also have to be fully willing to leave and take the other job. You can’t be bluffing, but then again, if they aren’t willing to keep you, then they probably weren’t ever gonna promote you.)

I read your advice blog all the time and recently used it yesterday when I found sexts from another woman to my husband on my home computer.  I want to forward you the email bc it has incriminating pictures I need to send to a third party I can trust.  I think my husband might try to delete it through my email; he already deleted the photos on dropbox and changed his password.  Thanks for you help I would not have known to do this without you.

Okay, first of all, gross. I really didn’t need to open up my inbox this morning to find it filled with pics of this hoochie’s pale open ass and beer-soaked tits. Not cool.

In the future, if you’re in a hurry to stash photos like this, don’t email them to an anonymous stranger on the internet. I appreciate that you trust me, but you don’t know me, and it’s ridiculously inappropriate for you to enlist me in your little conspiracy without my consent.

Just so you know, I won’t be keeping them. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sorry, kiddo, but I’m not some revenge porn escrow agent. I want no part of your drama. In the future, create your own secret gmail account and forward the incriminating photos to that address.

Also, never send threats via email. No doubt this bitch is a home wrecker, and she deserves a warning, but the email you sent her contains an overt threat of retaliation. Shit like that is stupid and dangerous. It can be used against you. Point is, do what you gotta do, but don’t leave a trail of evidence behind with your name on it.