I was cheating on my boyfriend. I tried to end it with him but I was guilt tripped into staying. So I made the choice to “do right” and ditch my passionate lover. I still have this burning want and desire that consumes me and I feel like I have missed out on something important. It all makes me sad and when I am shit faced at the end of the night, other guy is who I think about.

Sucker. (You got what you deserve.)

Recently, I’ve gotten into the habit of becoming embroiled in facebook arguments with my brother and his conservative, misogynistic, bible-thumping friends. Normally I try to avoid arguing on the internet, but my brother seems to be getting more close-minded and xenophobic the more he talks with these people. I thought it’d be good for a woman to call him out on his bullshit, but am I just wasting my time? These guys actually called me a “commie.”

Stop. (You’re wasting your time.)

My boyfriend called me “spoiled” for never working a crappy job. I’ve worked a bunch of jobs, some retail, some more awesome, but I’ve never had to work a truly shit job to support myself. This is partly because I haven’t graduated college yet, partly because the time I found a job to pay my way through life, it was a pretty good job. Is he a dick, or do I need some perspective?

Both. (Write me back when you have a real problem.)

He told me he likes me, “a little bit too much.” I said I feel the same way but I can’t do this casual thing indefinitely and that I’d like him to think about what he really wants. He was struck dumb by my honesty, he said. I feel like he just failed a test. Did he?

You’re the one testing him. If you can’t tell whether he failed, maybe you should handle the situation differently, because I assure you he wasn’t struck dumb by your honesty. He was struck dumb because you backed him into a corner and he didn’t want to get caught giving the wrong answers to your little quiz.

You like each other. Great. I’m happy for you both, but you’re not gonna get this dude to level-up on your relationship by tossing out vague ultimatums. Telling a guy to think about what he really wants is a bullshit move, especially if you already know what it is you want.

Go ahead and put yourself out there. Be vulnerable and tell him exactly what you want. If you’re done being casual, tell him. If you want exclusivity, tell him. If you want the “girlfriend” label, fucking tell him.

You’re the one who’s going to have to invite him into the early stages of commitment, and no, you haven’t already done that. At this point, all you’ve done is ask him for an invitation. There’s a big difference.

If you’re not willing to tell him exactly what you want, you can’t hold it against him for not blindly offering it to you.

You said I shouldn’t quit my job before finding another one. Ok, its been months, I’m still miserable and I haven’t found any other job. The only difference is I saved up a bit. Should I quit now? Really, I’m having the worst time in my life.

No you’re not. You may be miserable, but this doesn’t even count as a bad time in your life. This is some character building shit you’re going through right now.

Keep saving, and keep looking for another job. Do not quit until you know what you’re doing next. Trust me on this.

Okay. I heard this one the other day, but from someone who is normal and did not care exactly what the argument is. “Having sex in the context of the patriarchy is inherently sexist.” I wish I could inform you more so you could shred it to pieces.

Meh. In the context of the patriarchy, you could argue that anything gendered is inherently sexist. That’s why it’s sort of an empty statement. It sounds inflammatory, but it’s pretty meaningless. Besides, if you’re having sex in the context of the patriarchy, then you’re doing it wrong.

I like it when guys cum on my face, so does that mean I’m internally misogynistic?

Not at all, babe. You’re a filthy cum slut. Say it with pride.

It’d be one thing if your boyfriend liked to cum on your face and you let him even though you didn’t want to, but that’s not what’s happening here. This isn’t about male domination or female objectification. This is just about you enjoying a nice load in the face, and there’s nothing inherently degrading about that.

As for internalized misogyny, that manifests itself when other women shame you for taking pleasure in your sexuality. If some bitch calls you a cum slut like it’s a bad thing, she’s the one with the problem. Fuck that shit. Like what you like, and don’t let anyone slut shame you.

I agree with your last post, but as a psychiatrist, gotta add my two cents. Her boyfriend sounds like he has borderline personality disorder (frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, chronic suicidal gestures, history of self harm, impulsive, manipulation) and borderlines have a pretty high suicide rate of about 10%. I agree he’s being manipulative, inappropriate and toxic, but he’s also impulsive and reactive enough to make you regret thinking, “He’s not going to kill himself.” I’d argue he’s likely to do something dumb and if he accidentally overdoses or gets found with his head in an oven because she ignores his text…well that’s a mind fuck for her. I’d recommend just calling the cops, tell them everything and make sure they relay it to the hospital, have him taken to an ER and likely he’ll end up admitted to a psych floor. That way he’s safe, she can feel like he got help and more importantly…she’s not dealing with his death for the next few years. At that point though, I agree, never look back. Good luck with the next chapter!

You’re a shrink and you trust the system, but calling the cops is a big fucking deal for civilians. I don’t recommend it unless she’s already removed herself from the situation, and then only if he makes a specific threat.

Sure, it’d be awful for her if this asshole really did try and hurt himself, but having your suicidal ex sent up on a 5150 is a pretty big mind fuck too.

It’s a shitty decision either way.

I tried to break up with my boyfriend a few days ago, and after yelling at me and throwing the things I was trying to pack, he physically barricaded the front door with his body (after bolting and locking it). He broke down crying and told me that he won’t let me leave and threatened self harm. He has openly told me that he attempted suicide multiple times as a teenager. I stayed because I am genuinely concerned for his safety but every instinct inside of me is screaming to get out of this. I love and care for him deeply, but I am well aware our relationship is toxic. I know I can’t control what he does to himself, but I just would like to know how you’d navigate this situation.

Pack up all your shit and get the fuck out. Do it as quickly as possible, preferably when he’s not around. The relationship is already over. You didn’t “try” to break up with him. You did break up with him. Now he’s just using emotional blackmail to hold you hostage.

Quit worrying about his safety. He’s not going to kill himself. Even if he did hurt himself (which he won’t) it’s not your fault. He’s just saying fucked up shit like that to manipulate you, which is all the more reason for you to run for the hills and never speak to this motherfucker again.

Set whatever feelings you have for him aside and simply leave. You don’t owe him an explanation or any further communication, and you are not responsible for his behavior.

Gather your strength and just fucking go.

Last night, my girlfriend came over and dumped me. Her rationale was that she doesn’t feel like she can be the partner she wants to be because she still needs to figure herself out and “needs to be selfish” for awhile. Caught me off-guard for sure, but I get it. She’s entering that quarter-life crisis mode. I’m sad and kind of holding out hope that we can try it again down the road a bit once she gains some perspective. Am I naive? Is it a done deal?

Yes, it’s a done deal, and no, you’re not naive. It’s a natural inclination to hold out hope as a defense mechanism against emotional pain, but that just delays the inevitable.

Deal with your pain in one lump sum. Don’t take a mortgage out on it. Holding out hope that you can try it again down the road will only poison your ability to move on, and in the meantime, you’ll stumble through an awkward phase of rebound dating that will only make things worse.

You’re the one who needs to gain some perspective. Step back and see your relationship as a whole. It had a beginning, middle, and now it’s had its end. That’s okay. All things do.

Allow yourself to feel sad for a little while, learn from it, and then move on completely.