Today someone told me that America should get over 9/11. They said that other countries have suffered bigger losses, which is completely true. I do think that the media needs to stop masturbating to the tragedy, but should we really just “get over it?” I was so shocked I didn’t respond.

America has gotten over it.

How do I accept that I was abused and raped without becoming a victim? I’ve been told my whole life that no one likes victims, and I blame myself for what happened, anyway. I just want to move on, but I feel like I’m still too emotionally messed up from everything, so I’ve tried to avoid getting close to anyone since then. I know that’s not healthy, but I also don’t think anyone will want to be in a relationship with someone who was dumb enough to let someone abuse them.

When folks say that no one likes victims, what they mean is that no one likes a victim mentality, because it’s pretty intolerable when someone acts like a victim when they aren’t one.

You don’t have that problem. Quite the opposite, actually. You’re both terrified and resentful of ever having to be labeled as a victim, but due to the abuse you suffered, you feel as if you already have a huge fucking V tattooed on your forehead.

You don’t. Being a victim is not in your nature. Sure, some horrible shit happened to you, but it didn’t break you. You survived it, and now you’re in the process of healing. That’s how you need to start looking at it. Accepting that you were abused and raped doesn’t make you a victim. It makes you a survivor.

Just so you know, every emotion you’re experiencing is perfectly normal. None of this is your fault. Eventually, you will move on, and you’ll be an even stronger person than you were before all this shit went down.

I promise, this won’t mess you up forever.

For a very long time I’ve wanted a sugar skull tattoo. But for all the research I’ve done, and all the personal meanings the symbol has, I’m still a white Jewish woman and I worry to get such a tattoo would be appropriative and insensitive.

Yeah, okay. What the fuck do you want from me? I’m not here to give you permission, nor am I here to give you the strength of your bland and unimaginative convictions. This is your decision.

The real problem is that you’re a weak and shallow person who’s terrified of what other people think. You’re afraid to just admit that you want a sugar skull tattoo because it looks cool, so you did a little research and invented some flimsy personal meaning to try and justify it.

You’re full of shit. Go ahead and admit it. Have the fucking integrity to recognize that your attachment to Day of the Dead iconography is purely aesthetic, and at the end of the day, all you’re doing is following a trend.

Yes, the tattoo would be culturally appropriative, and yes, a few social justice warriors might call you insensitive. So fucking what? Just because you’re a white Jewish woman doesn’t mean you’re relegated to tattoos of Martha Stewart and matzah ball soup.

Tattoo whatever stupid bullshit you want onto your thin, pasty skin. Or don’t. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck. Either way, grow your own fucking spine. No one else can do it for you.

When I wrote the pregnant teenager post I probably should have mentioned that he actually made them an appointment to go to Planned Parenthood, and she just refused to go. But he said he is giving her an ultimatum at the end of this week, either she goes to get a check-up and makes a decision, or he goes around her and tells her parents. I’m hoping for the best. Thanks again.

Just flat out refused to go, eh? Hmm. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion about this chick. After he gives her the ultimatum, write me back and let me know if she claims to have a miscarriage within the following 48 hours.

does instant messaging with a man twice my age who’s married to a wife i really admire and who just had an adorable baby make me feel nervous and guilty because i know he and i mutually think one another are awesome and even though i would never never never do anything, this is the way people who do things start out, or is it because i’d just like to tell myself i wouldn’t but I really would?

You’d never never do anything? Bullshit. If the two of you have to hide the instant messages from the wife, then you’ve already crossed the line.

A little flirtation can be harmless. Hell, a lot of flirtation can be harmless, but if it becomes a thing she would be hurt to discover, then you shouldn’t be doing it. The betrayal is in the secret, not the act itself.

Of course, you already know that, which is why you feel nervous and guilty.

I was printing something on my dad’s computer and saw an email notification about activity on an AshleyMadison.com profile. The username was definitely his. My parents seem relatively happy and have been married for 25 years. What the fuck do I do about this? I’m in over my head.

Option #1 (Cold War): Pretend like nothing happened. Act as if you never saw anything and let the betrayal and disillusionment fester. Allow your anger to manifest as passive aggressive and rebellious behavior that leads to an eventual rift in your relationship with your father followed by a lifetime of mild to moderate daddy issues.

Option #2 (Conventional War): Print out the email notification and confront your dad with it. Tell him to get his act together, that you won’t tolerate him stepping out on your mom, and that there will be hell to pay if you ever catch him doing some stupid shit.

Option #3 (Guerilla War): Figure out your dad’s password, login to the account, and (depending on how much you want to know) either learn the extent of his transgressions or simply delete the profile altogether.

Option #4 (The Nuclear Option): Send me your dad’s username, and let me take care of it.

Reader Submitted Options:

Option #5 (Police Action): Print the email notification and leave it on the keyboard with a note that says, “Not my problem, but you should know that I know.” (by whiskyvangoghgo)

Option #6 (Non-Intervention Strategy): Mind your own business. He might have this worked out with your mother already. (by veritasnoir)

Option #7 (UN Sanctions): Print the email out and take it to Thanksgiving dinner. (by cyrilslady)

I’m writing this for a friend who is in need of some of your wit and wisdom. The girlfriend he’s been seeing since spring and living with for the past couple of months discovered that she was pregnant about two months ago. Since that time she has refused to tell her family or friends, and won’t go see a doctor or make a decision about how she wants to handle the pregnancy. My friend says he has tried to convince her to do all of the above, but instead she mopes and waxes morose about the life she is giving up. To be fair, she is 19 (he is 24), and I imagine if I was in the same situation at that age I would have struggled with it as well because of my sheltered upbringing. I can understand being absolutely mortified at the thought of her parents discovering the news. However, by not even going to see the doctor she is jeopardizing her own health—especially since he thinks she is displaying signs of a possible miscarriage—and my friend (admittedly not the most emotionally capable person) is having a difficult time reasoning with her about it. If you had some advice to pass on to them I would love to hear it.

Tell this idiot to belt his dumbfuck girlfriend into the passenger seat of his car and drive straight to the nearest Planned Parenthood office. They can provide health services and counseling for whatever decision she ultimately makes, so just get her through the door.

If they require an appointment, have him fucking make one. If there are costs involved, tell him to shut the fuck up and use a credit card. If it’s an hour away, tell them to pee before they hit the road. No excuses. She doesn’t get to mope around about it, and he can’t stand there anymore with his thumb up his butt. Tell them to go, and go now.

Obviously, this twit should get a fucking abortion, but it’s not your place to tell either of them that. It’s up to her to decide, and it’s up to him to offer support and guidance. She can terminate the pregnancy or she can keep the baby, but she can’t spend one more day living in denial. Neither can he.

What should the West be doing re: Syria at this point? The Assad regime is awful, yet the rebels are not much better. Seems like such a lose-lose.

Should? Fuck should. The west is gonna do what the west always does.

U.S. led military forces will blow some shit up for a few weeks while the CIA covertly aids the rebels in toppling the Assad regime. (I’m guessing he’ll wind up dead, but his wife and kids will get to live in the UK.)

Everyone will celebrate for 48 hours. Then, under the guise of a “democratic transition,” we’ll install a puppet “reformer” who won’t be able to do much to stop the ensuing sectarian bloodbath.

The new guy will prove himself a monster by the end of the decade, and of course, the Saudis, Russia, and Iran will find a way to profit from all the madness while the U.S. pays through the nose to keep the peace in Israel.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.