I work at a bank and recently found myself in the middle of my boss stealing 20 bucks from a customer (ie a liquor store employee who brought in too much cash for his deposits – he was over by at least $200) My manager gave me half of what she stole, even though I said I didn’t want it and openly tried to give it all back to the liquor store employee. I wanted to take more immediate action, but I felt uneasy because this manager is very friendly with me, has invited me to her wedding, ect. I’m a fairly new employee and just a student trying to pay for school. My instinct is to go to my boss and report it, but I fear the repercussions from this manager. Other than this event, she has appeared to be a great leader and manages people well. I called the “ethics hotline” I found on my company site, but they said all they could do was file a report.Not knowing what exactly would happen to the report made me apprehensive to file one. It was only 20 bucks, but I feel dirty having that 10 dollar bill in my purse and I know it was wrong.

Never allow someone to make you complicit in a crime.

I’ll say it again — never allow someone to make you complicit in a crime. Not for ten dollars. Not for ten thousand.  Either have the strength of will to refuse, or the strength of character to fully accept your role as an accomplice.

You realize what she’s done, right? That shady bitch bought you. Cheap. This wasn’t about the money. Now she owns your ass like the mob owns a dirty cop.

You’ve only got one move here. Take the ten dollar bill out of your purse, and give it back to her in full view of other employees. “You gave this to me the other day, and I don’t want it.” That’s all you have to say, and then just walk away.

Don’t bother with ethics hotlines. That kind of human resources bullshit is worthless. It’s corporate liability window dressing.

Don’t bother reporting it to your boss either. No one likes a snitch, and he doesn’t want to deal with a shit ton of hassle over twenty bucks.

Besides, once you hand back the ten dollar bill, the balance of power shifts back to you. If you were a bit more savvy and had a fucking backbone, you might be able to subtly use that to your advantage.

Good luck doing the right thing.

I’m a 30 y/o guy who despite beating the family average is finally losing his hair. Problem is, I have one of those ungainly scalps that is not suited to straight-up shaving it.

I swore I’d never be beholden to my hair and have no interest in forking over cash and dignity to pharm companies or miracle cures.

I just can’t find a style that allows me to bald gracefully. Suggestions?

No interest in forking over cash and dignity? Fuck your dignity.

Do you have any idea how much money we spend and pain we endure chasing unattainable standards of beauty?

We’re over here nipping, tucking, lasering, injecting, dying, tanning, waxing and whitening every square inch of our bodies. The least you lazy bastards could do is show a little effort when you start losing your hair.

Assuming you’re white, you only have two choices here. One, hit the gym and get in really good physical shape, then shave your head completely and grow a goatee.

Your other choice is to join the Hair Club for Men and spend whatever it fucking takes to keep from going bald. Fight that shit like you got hair cancer.

I suppose there’s a third choice if you’re not willing to man up. You could always just let yourself go and stop caring about your appearance.

Don’t kid yourself, though. There’s no such thing as balding gracefully.

I’m a 19 year old bisexual college student in my junior year studying film. I’ve been dating a really sweet girl for almost six months now and I recently met an all-around amazing guy in one of my film courses.  I’ve spent a lot of time with him this semester in and out of class and have a lot in common, get along unusually well and he’s more than fuckable.

He’s a straight 20 year-old (no problems there) but I’ve never been interested in dating a member of the opposite sex until now.  It’s pretty obvious that he’s interested in me, we flirt constantly and have been spending more time together where it’s just us and not with a group of people.

This girl I’ve been dating is far more emotionally invested in the relationship than I am and to be frank, she’s not as interesting as I thought she was when we first started dating and I have been considering breaking up with her for a while.

I’m not a virgin in the “never had sex” sense, but I suppose I am in the physical sense.  I’ve only dated two girls before the current one and those relationships didn’t last as long as this one, she’s the first one I was intimate with.

The point is, I’ve never fucked a guy before and he doesn’t know this.  He doesn’t even know about my girlfriend.  Should I tell him?  Do you think that would weird him out at all?  He’s pretty open minded, but I’m apprehensive.  I don’t want to screw up with this guy.

A virgin coed who’s only had hot teenage lesbian sex? Don’t worry, sweetie. You’re the reason guys go to film school in the first place.

As general rule of thumb, your dates should be on a need-to-know basis with regard to all past sexual encounters. Unless this guy needs to know about your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, don’t tell him. The same goes for your technical virginity. None of it’s any of his business.

Your sexual histories don’t really matter anyways. Intimacy isn’t about learning each others’ pasts. It’s about just being present in the moment and enjoying each other physically and emotionally.

By the time you start referring to this guy as your boyfriend, you’ll probably have told him about your bisexuality. For now, just concentrate on the butt-sniffing stage of the courtship ritual.

Oh, and have some respect for your current relationship. End it now, regardless of what happens with this guy. It’s not fair to string your girlfriend along any more than you already have.

I’m having trouble dating, specifically dating in Los Angeles, the land of superficiality. I’m a med student and I’ve been in Maxim, so I’m surrounded by nerds & get hit on by douchebags, neither of which I want to date. I keep getting wrapped up in men who are smart & successful but more interested in their jobs than me. What’s a girl to do to find an honest, hardworking family man in LaLaLand?

Honest, hardworking, and a family man? This is Los Angeles, babe. Unless you wanna marry a Mexican immigrant, you can only pick two out of the three.

You’re a soon-to-be doctor, former model living on the west side of paradise. Don’t tempt the fates by also expecting Ward Cleaver to fall out of the sky. You’re asking for too much.

That’s not to say you don’t deserve happiness, but is this really an honest assessment of your criteria for a man? It all seems a bit simplistic — no nerds, no douchebags, smart and successful — I wouldn’t go so far as to call you superficial, but your lists of prerequisites don’t seem to have any depth.

That’s not your fault. You’re young, and you’ve been too busy overachieving. You simply haven’t taken the time to do the kind of serious personal exploration necessary to figure out not just who you’re looking for, but why you’re looking in the first place.

Self exploration is a tough thing to do, and I would imagine you come from a family that considers that sort of thing an indulgence. Still, and I’ve said it before, you need to look inside yourself instead of using an external set of guidelines handed down from your mother.

I’m not saying that you won’t find an honest, hardworking family man in Los Angeles, but you’re not going to find him with a grocery list. You’ll find him once you find yourself.

Good luck with the search, sweetheart.

I (a woman) have been in a relationship with my partner (a woman) for three years.  We have lived together for about a year.  Lately, all we do is argue.  We don’t have sex (not even make-up sex), and I get the vibe that she’s just not that interested anymore.  Either in sex or conversation.  She assures me, however, that this is not the case, and that it seems as if I’m the one who’s not interested.

I feel as if I am constantly explaining and justifying every tiny decision I make, which would strain any conversation – so at the moment, I do not enjoy talking with her.  She is hardly ever in the mood to come out with me, and in turn gets angry when I choose not to come out with her and her friends.

I get along great with her family, and genuinely like her and for the most part enjoy being with her.  But, she is incredibly stubborn, always wishes to get the last word in an argument, and generally doesn’t show respect for my decisions.

What the hell should I do?  Rip the bandage off and just move on?

You managed to condense your whole relationship into three tight paragraphs without a single instance of the word love. Damn, girl. It’s obviously time for a change.

Who’s place is it? If you moved in with her, go get your own apartment. If it’s your home, do whatever you can to help her to find her own place. Either way, you’re done cohabitating for a while.

You don’t have to call it a break-up. Just call it a break. Separate and see what happens. Maybe you’ll both realize you miss each other and shit will heat up again. More likely you’ll both realize it’s best to call it quits and moving on will be that much easier.

Go find some fresh love. If she’s a part of it, great. If not, that’s okay too.

Dear Coke Talk,
You don’t mind that Dolly Parton is a Christian? I think she’s awesome but you’re pretty harsh on religion. I’m curious because I’m also Christian and I feel like you make blanket statements. Other than that though, I really enjoy your blog entries.
Thanks!

Dear Christian,
You don’t mind that Dolly Parton starred in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas? I think she’s awesome but you’re pretty harsh on prostitution. I’m curious because I’m also a whore and I feel like you make blanket statements. Other than that though, I really enjoyed your stupid question.
Thanks!

I feel like I’m getting too emotionally involved in my relationship. I’ve been dating this guy for a while now, and I literally have never felt so, I don’t know, caught up in it all. I’m only 20 and I literally want to marry him. I think about it all the time. I shouldn’t be thinking of marriage, I should be out getting drunk and hanging out with friends. You know what I do instead? BAKE. I’m dreaming of a little domestic life and I don’t know how to handle it. How do I get out of this terrible, terrible, slump I’m in Coketalk?

First of all, stop using the word literally as an intensifier. Also, spit out your gum.

Listen, cupcake. There is nothing wrong with daydreaming about wedding days and white picket fences. You’ve got a crush on this guy. That’s great. Enjoy it, but don’t worry. It’ll pass.

You’re getting all freaked out because you think you’re in a slump. Nope. This is a peak. You’re at the top of the fucking mountain right now, babe. The slump comes later when Mr. Abercrombie & Fitch decides to dump you for another sorority girl because you got too drunk one night and started absent-mindedly throwing around the M word.

This is the first time you’ve ever been emotionally involved in a relationship, and you’re over here complaining that your bicycle has training wheels. Trust me, you need them. You’re still a child who doesn’t yet think for herself. That’s fine, but I’d be wasting my time expounding on the virtues of vulnerability and owning your emotions.

For now, just keep baking and do what feels good.

We had plans last night at 6. He asks me at noon to come to the city for a film festival, from 4-8. My car is in the shop until 6-ish, which I tell him. I ask him if there is anything we can do slightly later, to which all he says is “no.” I say that he can come out my way or we can meet half way somewhere. Nothing. I ask him if it’s his film showing (cause if it was, I would have found a way to get there because that’s a pretty big deal), nothing. I ask him around four thirty if he’s still up for hanging out tonight. Nothing. Six comes around. No word from him. At six thirty, I’m like, “what the hell, dude? If you’re going to blow me off, it would be nice if you would tell me.” Seven thirty shows up and this is what I get from him: “I’m leaving the Castro now not sticking around for the awards. It’s been nice seeing the progression of your frustration. I don’t want to be around that tonight.” I tell him, “you can’t blame me for being frustrated when i’m starving. I just ordered pizza if you’re at all interested.” I get nothing back.

So I go out to a movie with a couple friends to get my mind off of it. Come to find out later that the local band show my roommate went to – he went to as well. Which is less than twenty minutes from my house. And he didn’t even tell me he was in the area or stop by or anything.

What. The. Hell.

At what point do I stop excusing this type of behavior as “he has issues” and “he’s scared” and just say, “fuck this noise”? How deluded am I being by believing that he is a little interested? Give it to me straight. I need a push in the right direction.

Oh please, I’m sure you have a well worn copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” on your fucking night stand. Why are you bothering me with this petty shit?

This isn’t a real problem. This a lame excuse to eat a pint of ice cream from the kind of sheltered sorority girl who doesn’t know what it’s like to bleed from anywhere other than her vagina.

You want it straight? Fine. You’re annoying, bitch. If you sent me that passive aggressive note, I’d blow you off too. He’s not scared. He just doesn’t want to put up with your shit.

This isn’t me taking his side. Quite frankly, he sounds like an asshole, but at least he has enough self respect not to let you nag him. Now it’s your turn.

Quit letting him get to you. Quit making excuses. Most of all, quit being so fucking needy. It’s unattractive and the source of all his disrespect.