Could you play devil’s advocate for a second and give me an argument regarding why monogamy is better than polygamy?

Asking me to play devil’s advocate implies that I otherwise feel polygamy is somehow superior to monogamy. Don’t put things in my mouth without asking, shithead. Especially words.

First of all, polygamy is not the opposite of monogamy. The terms may share a common etymology, but in colloquial use they have fuck-all to do with each other. Monogamy has come to define a broad concept associated with human sexuality. Polygamy has come to define a narrow concept associated with plural marriage in fringe religion.

I think maybe what you’re trying to ask me is to make a case for monogamy over promiscuity. Okay, fine. Does monogamy make you happier than promiscuity? Yes? Then it’s better. For you. I can make a case for minivans and vanilla ice cream too, but who are we fucking kidding? You’re asking for a value judgement where one isn’t necessary.

Monogamy and promiscuity are mutually exclusive lifestyles, but they don’t have to be in opposition unless someone like you insists on calling one better than the other. Quit being so judgmental.

Live how you want to live, already.

Let others do the same.

Is a Pro vs Cons list a recommendable way of determining whether or not getting back together with my ex is a good idea?

He wants me back and although Im sure I will always have feelings for him in some way (we shared 4 years together), how can I be sure if giving him another chance is a good idea and the relationship just wont go to shit again.. or that he will lie?

Is it possible to regain trust in someone who woke up everyday, lying to you about the fact that you were the only one he had been with? He swore that on our ‘breaks’ in the relationship that he hadn’t been with a soul when in fact it turns out he had been.

He’s smart, dorky and funny, has a great job and loves his family but how can I be sure it would be good for me? Maybe hes just lonely right now, you know?

The last time a pros and cons list was a recommendable way of determining anything was when you couldn’t decide whether daddy should buy you a Prius or a Jetta for your sweet sixteen. Even then it was pretty annoying, because you were the type who dotted her i’s with little hearts.

If your decision making skill set is so stunted that you have to resort to this kind of kindergarten bullshit, you’ve got bigger problems than whether to take back your boyfriend.

Grow the fuck up, bitch. I can tell you’re a sweet girl, but that doesn’t mean your head should be filled with candy.

You’ve spent four years with this guy. Move on, already. It’s not even about him, really. You just desperately need some new experiences.

A few weeks ago I rescued a little stray dog from a busy intersection on a rainy night.  Now he is rescuing me.  My girlfriend and I broke up (again) and she moved out (again) two days ago.  I want this time to stick and not go back to her when I start feeling the loneliness.  I want to learn to enjoy me again, alone for a change.

My little rescue dog has helped me stay sane.  He dulls the pain, distracts my mind, and gets me outside in the fresh air twice a day for walks.  I love this dog and want to take exceptional care of him.  We went to the vet this morning to get his rabies vaccination, heartworm test and tablets, flea meds, and check-up.  I scheduled an appointment to have him neutered next Friday.  This is what I need advice on.  When I asked Google if I should have my dog neutered, most of the links were in favor of it.  I understand the benefits.  Less likely to roam off looking for some strange, hump things, show aggression towards other dogs, and piss on everything to mark his territory.  But it’s his balls.  They’re gonna cut them off.  That’s some seriously drastic and irreversible shit, man.  If it was me, I’d hate to have that taken away just so I will be more docile.  But I am a human and he is a dog.  I really want to do what is right here, for him.  What would be best for him?  Not convenient or popular, but best.

Dude, don’t superimpose your male ego onto your dog’s testicles. Be a responsible pet owner. It’s your duty not to be the cause of an unwanted litter of puppies, and the only way to be sure of that is to get the little guy neutered.

Honestly, you can’t fight nature on this one. I promise, one day he’ll suddenly turn into a devious little fuck machine, and if you let him out of your sight for a second he will find a bitch in heat and he will knock her up. That’s not cool.

The animal shelters are full, man. Don’t be a dick and force your stray grandpuppies to live on the street all because you had a misguided sense of your dog’s masculinity.

Anyway, sorry about the break up.

Hang tough.

Sorry to correct you on your spelling, but grammar, puctuation and spelling seem to be pretty important to you, shouldn’t it be ‘tractor tyre’ and not ‘tire’?

Sweetheart, I live in Los Angeles, not Narnia.

Good lookin’ out, though. Say hey to Tumnus for me.

I fucking hate my roommate. I fucked her twice. She was annoying before I fucked her. But now, she is the epoch of annoying. Shes younger (21), not particularly mature, attention seeking, and trashy as a tractor tire. When she speaks my skin crawls. This is a whole other universe of confronting ‘the real’. I’m not exclusive in this assessment either, our other roommate agrees. Shes unbearable. Now, however, because of some weak ass lease shit, we can’t kick her out. My strategy of headphones and attention denial isn’t helping me deal. I’m an asshole, and okay with it; it’s my fucking identity. I need a new strategy to get through the next few months.

Slow down there, charm school. Maybe your identity as a self proclaimed asshole isn’t the way to go. Sure, you hate yourself for a lot of reasons, but how about acting like a compassionate human being for once?

I get it. You stuck your dick in an unbearable tractor tire. Twice. It’s actually a pretty transparent move, dude. Once you fucked her, you started projecting all of your self hatred onto this poor girl. She’s your cum dumpster and emotional scapegoat all in one.

Listen, she’s not the one making your skin crawl. You are. It’s time for you to stop feeling so much hate, and a strategy of headphones will never help you deal. It’ll only distract you from the consequences of your shitty decisions.

Your new strategy should be to recognize that your own self loathing is the root cause of your situation. Your new strategy should be to treat yourself and others with some fucking respect. Your new strategy should be to realize that there’s nothing else to this life but the time we spend loving other people.

Go ahead, spend the next few months being kind, thoughtful, and generous. See if your whole world doesn’t change.