I want my boyfriend to lose weight. He’s 230 pounds, 5 foot 10 inches, and heavier than his father. He isn’t muscular, so his weight isn’t muscle. I would never tell him that, because I don’t want to hurt his feelings (in fact, I tell him he looks fine to me). He says probably twice a week or more that he needs to lose weight and/or go to the gym and work out, but that just never happens. I’d go to the gym and work out with him and try to inspire him that way, but I have a chronic pain condition so that rules that idea out. So how can I get him to lose that belly and those manboobs without seeming like a total superficial bitch?

You don’t have to be bitchy, but stop telling him he looks fine. Buy him a gym membership. Get him a few sessions with a trainer. Use your own money and guilt him into going.

This doesn’t have to be about anything superficial. This is about health and having a little respect for one’s physical appearance.

Trust me, he wants you to push him a little. That’s what those comments are about. He’s looking to you. Your opinion matters, and until he stops getting your tacit approval of his current condition, he’s not going to change.

How do I tell my mom that I want to start going to the Gynecologist? She’s really strict and I know she’d fucking kill me if she knew I was “sexually active”. I’m sixteen, and I could get friend to take me but I’m so nervous about the whole, payment, insurance thing. I once again reiterate, my mom is crazy. She’d slit my throat for even asking. What do I do? I want to keep my parents out of my social/private life as much as possible, but I don’t know how.

Go to Planned Parenthood. Be frank and up-front about your home situation. Tell them what’s going on, and see what they can do for you. They tend to be extra sensitive to situations like yours, and their ability to offer services at reduced cost varies from community to community, so who knows? You might get lucky and be able to afford to see a doctor.

Whatever you do, don’t use your family insurance card. Don’t give them your home address or home phone number. Cell phone only. If they need an address, consider using your school’s address or maybe a trusted friend, as long as it won’t get back to your folks.

You’re in a tough spot for the next six hundred days, babe. Sorry. It sucks that your mom is so willfully ignorant. I’m guessing she’s super religious?

Yeah. Fuck her religion.

Good luck, sweetie.

How do I deal with a meddling, manipulative controlling bitch of a mother-in-law who is trying to ruin our marriage and our lives?  We married late in life and this woman has made no bones about the fact that I’m here to work my ass off to support her son so he can do whatever she wants him to do and screw me if I don’t like it.  My darling husband doesn’t have the balls to tell her where to get off.  What should I do? I don’t want her ruin the last few good years of our lives with her selfish shit.

You need to recognize that this is a bit of a gender role reversal. It’s usually the husband who gripes about the mother-in-law for this very reason, but clearly you’re the man of the house. Own that shit.

I’m also willing to bet that your husband married a woman who was a lot like his mother. You crazy bitches are battling it out because you have more in common than either of you want to admit.

You two are both strong willed and dominant. One wife. One mother. Each competing for the love and testicles of a “darling” man. Yikes.

Don’t kid yourself, this is a fight to the death. That’s your edge, actually. You can run out the clock on the sour old cunt, so let this be a cold war, a war of attrition.

Whenever possible, ignore her. As far as you’re concerned, she doesn’t exist.

Whenever she does get in your way by giving your husband an order that fucks with your day, give your husband a countermanding order. If she asks him to do errand X, you tell him to complete task Y instead.

Enforce your precedence. You take priority. Don’t let him forget it. You’ve all but admitted that he’s a big pussy, so just put in the effort to train him. Wife first. Mother second.

Never forget, he’s the only one who can tell her to fuck off. You can’t ever say shit, but if you program your husband with enough negative reinforcement, eventually you’ll get him to where he might just tell her to fuck off for you.

I’ve stopped taking relationship advice from my friends since they’ve all become cynics as of late. I’m in need of some sort of direction here.

My boyfriend and I have been together 20 months. After our graduation this spring, we will be taking two very different paths in our lives. I’m heading off to college and he is enlisting in the Air Force.

Although I have no doubt that I’ll be meeting all sorts of awesome guys in the near future, I can’t imagine that any of them will amount to anything close to what my boyfriend is for me. He’s one of the few people who can manage me when I go into super-cunt mode. He’s also one of the few people on this planet who can get me to swallow my pride when I’m being a stubborn bitch.

Our relationship, especially lately, has been great. I’m not a high maintenance girlfriend. I don’t make him buy me fancy dinners every week, take me on shopping sprees, call/text me every waking moment of the day, or any other bullshit like that. Everything runs smoothly as long as I’m provided with my necessities: love, sex, spending time together, and someone to listen to my ridiculous thoughts.

I feel young, stupid, and naive to hope that we could make a situation like this work out long-term. I mean, a long distance relationship is one thing, but a military relationship sure seems a whole lot messier. I’ve seen other military relationships go down in bitter flames.

So go ahead, tell me if I’m being stupid for hoping with every fiber in my being that this could somehow work out.

You’re not being stupid, just naive. That’s fine. You’re young and in love. That shit comes standard, and it’s easily forgivable.

The two of you have been together for a year and a half, by the way. The very fact that you measure it in months speaks volumes about your stage in life. This decision you’re about to make will mark your entrance into the world of adult relationships, but right now you’re both still kids.

It’s either going to be an easy decision with an ugly outcome, or it’s going to be an ugly decision with an easy outcome.

The easy decision is stay together, but that will inevitably lead to the ugly outcome of a long distance relationship between high-school sweethearts split between college and the military. That’s a fucking Pat Conroy novel waiting to happen. Today’s good intentions don’t mean shit, sweetie. At best, your relationship would die a slow death of starvation. At worst, incidents of infidelity would destroy your mutual respect. Either way, shit ends badly.

The ugly decision is to break up after graduation. It’ll suck. Your heart will break and you will miss him terribly that first semester at college. Still, if you say your goodbyes and split amicably, you’ll end the relationship on a high note. It’s hard to see now, but the easy outcome will be that you remember each other fondly in years to come. Trust me, life is long. It’s much better to have your first love as a friend ten years later.

Good luck with your decision. Either way, you’re gonna learn a lot about yourself.

decided to try coke for the first time. done my research and everything, but my main sources have been erowid.com and teenage boys who say i will feel like ‘king shit’. im pretty much looking for any advice or vital things i should know beforehand.

Okay, listen up. If you want people to take your research seriously, never cite teenage boys as a source.

How old are you, by the way? This shit is for adults. Unless you know what it’s like to earn a few paychecks and pay your taxes, you haven’t earned the privilege of fucking around at this level.

I’m dating a 28 year old who kept all of his ex girlfriends weird-ass sex toys in a dresser drawer after 4 months of being apart. Do you think he’s just lazy or waiting for her to come back so they can have some kinkysexytimes?

Relax, sweetie.

All single guys have a drawer in their closet filled with ex-girlfriend shit. It’s a universal truth, just like all guys have a bedside stash of condoms, and all guys have a secret collection of porn.

It was bound to be something — a leftover piece of jewelry, some lingerie, an old t-shirt, or in your case, a few sex toys. Big deal. Nothing to worry about.

Most guys go to the trouble of hiding the ex-girlfriend drawer. It’s actually a good sign that your man doesn’t give enough of a fuck to bother making it a secret.

Oh, and here’s a little parting gift for you: don’t refer to them as “weird-ass” sex toys when he’s around. It sounds negative and judgmental, and you probably don’t want him thinking that you’re any less wild in bed than his ex-girlfriend.