What do you make of the Justin Bieber fad? At first, it’s still acceptable as his bubblegum hits are rather catchy…but not even Lady Gaga has three seperate biographies and a biopic barely a year of entering the industry.

Every generation of tween girls needs a non-threateningly pubescent mop-headed pop sensation on which to compulsively project their budding sexuality, and you should never underestimate the sheer magnitude of disposable income those bitches control.

The window is small, twenty-four to thirty-six months tops. That’s all the time Bieber has to cash in before his entire fan base starts getting its period and moves on to its version of a grunge phase.

His handlers are smart to blow their wad now.

Is it worth getting a medical marijuana card?  I’m unquestionably eligible, smoke a fair bit of weed, but given how easy and safe it is to find excellent weed in California,  I don’t know if it’s worth my very limited student dollars.

Safe? Dude, I know it’s California, but that shit isn’t quite legal just yet. For a hundred bucks, you can have a doctor write you a legit medical marijuana prescription for a year.

Think of it like weed insurance. You’ll be carrying the hippie version of a get out of jail free card. Not that getting busted for simple possession is gonna get you incarcerated, but if you do something stupid or end up on the shady side of an asshole cop, a drug charge could still be a major hassle that puts your academic career in jeopardy.

With a medical marijuana card, you don’t have to worry about possession or cultivation for personal use in California. I’d say that peace of mind is worth twelve bucks a month, and of course, you’ll have access to all that ridiculously good shit at the dispensaries.

I recently took my girlfriend’s virginity. Not even 2 minutes after, I called her by someone else’s name while we were talking. For the record, it wasn’t the name of anyone I’ve ever had sex with, dated or even been attracted to (no fantasies, sex dreams,none of it). She’s pissed. What the hell do I do?

Laugh at yourself, because you’re an idiot.

I want to break up with my boyfriend but we’ve already bought tickets to Coachella & reserved a place to stay. Also, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Should I do it now or wait later? I just don’t like wasting money and breaking up before a holiday is just mean.

You know what’s really mean? Pretending you still want to be with someone for a Coachella ticket. End it now. Make it fast and clean.

Don’t let your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend go through all that Valentine’s Day bullshit when you’ve already checked out of the relationship. That’s not cool.

Besides, Coachella is still seventy-five days away. If you’re the kind of twit who refers to Valentines Day as an actual holiday, I can’t imagine you’d be able to fake it for two and a half months.

Don’t worry about wasting money. That’s ridiculous. You can make money. Coachella tickets are going for seven hundred bucks at the moment. Your boyfriend could go onto Craigslist right now and list the room reservation and two three day passes as a “Coachella Break-Up Package” and sell that shit for well over two grand.

Of course, if you really wanna go to Coachella, you could always offer to buy him out after the break-up. Find a friend who’ll throw down for his ticket and half of the room. Do you have a crazy-ass wingbitch with a solid ecstasy hook-up? That’s the girl you ask first.

Whatever you do, don’t wait to end things. This is prime break-up season, so if you’re sure it’s over, just get it done.

“the ignorant fucks who think we were put on the planet to rule over the animals”- Do you think you could elaborate on which sort of person you’re referring to? I never pictured you as a PETA type or anything.

Fuck PETA. They’re just the NRA for puppies. I’m referring to people who take the Book of Genesis literally.

It takes a special kind of asshole to think that mankind holds dominion over every living creature that moves on earth. The only thing we’ve got going for us is a little extra pulp in our frontal lobes.

Don’t ever forget, we’re 98% chimpanzee and 50% banana.

I’m a big fan, etc. etc., and I, like you, am in informed atheist who chooses to pick and choose my battles with people of religious persuasion… including my family. However, recently, something has been bothering me. My family takes my little sisters to church every sunday (aged 13 and 8, the younger being 13 years younger than me) and this weekend the youngest asked my why I never go to church. I didn’t really know what to say. On one hand, I think she should know that I am an atheist (and of course I would explain to her exactly what that means), but on the other, I know telling her that would upset her. She LOVES church and tells me so all the time. I feel guilty for saying something I think she won’t understand and might upset her, especially given her age. At the same time, I think telling her MY beliefs is no different than my parents imposing their religion on her. So, what do you think? Spill my guts, or smile and tell her to run along?

If she’s still getting visits from Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, then there’s no harm in letting her be a child for a little while longer, especially if she’s just being fed the watered-down Sunday School fantasy ride most churches are serving up these days.

It would be a different story if your church was particularly hardcore with its scare tactics about hellfire and damnation, or if your baby sister had any anxiety about its ridiculous mythology. She loves it though, and that’s okay for now.

Once she knows the truth about Santa Claus and clearly demonstrates the ability to exhibit logical thinking, feel free to have a frank and honest discussion about your beliefs.

Are you judgmental of overweight women? Do you think heavier girls can be just as sexy and desirable as our skinny counterparts?

Overweight. Underweight. The terms are judgmental in and of themselves. They imply a standard. That’s fine if the standard is based on health and well being, but it’s not okay if the standard is based on an idealized notion of aesthetic perfection.

Unfortunately, most girls don’t seem to make the distinction between their desire to meet a healthy standard and their desire to meet an aesthetic ideal. Your question doesn’t make the distinction either.

You’re asking me about sex appeal and desirability as it relates to weight, but sexiness isn’t something that comes down to a number on a bathroom scale. On the heavy side, I have a massive throbbing lady boner for Christina Hendricks, but I find Beth Ditto to be downright unattractive. On the skinny side, I’ve always thought Kate Moss was kinda gross, but I would spend days going down on Keira Knightley.

Weight has very little to do with whether I think you’re hot. That shit’s just a measurement. Sure, it correlates to other things that do affect my attraction — self-confidence, physical fitness, personal style — but too often girls get caught up with hitting a dress size or a weight goal and they neglect the stuff that really matters.

This applies to the guys too, by the way. Your weight is far less important to me than whether you’re healthy, well groomed, stylish, and confident.

Still, let’s not kid ourselves. Morbid obesity, by its very definition, isn’t healthy. The American version of overweight is usually unattractive because it is the direct result of a shitty diet and a sedentary lifestyle. Of course, the American version of underweight is equally unattractive because it’s usually the result of an eating disorder or some other physical disease.

Being healthy almost always implies being at an appropriate weight for your body type. Is that judgement? Maybe, but I probably wasn’t gonna fuck you anyway, so what do you care what I think?

I moved to the south a few months ago and recently got a job with a very small company.  There are six employees total.  Our weekly meetings begin with prayer, and I’m not sure how to tell my boss that I’m uncomfortable with this—or if I should tell him.  It’s one thing to suck it up and join hands with my big Catholic family as my uncle leads us in a round of “Bless Us O Lord” every Christmas.  I don’t mind that.  But business is obviously very different.  What do you think I should do?

Tough shit, kiddo. You’re in the south. If the owner of the company wants everybody to sit around before staff meetings and watch while he talks to his imaginary friend in the sky, that’s his prerogative.

Unless your boss starts waving his dick around or calling people niggers, he can do pretty much whatever he wants. It’s his show. Sure, it’s ridiculous, but there’s not much you can do except sit there quietly and roll your eyes every week. Believe me, you accomplish nothing by registering your discomfort.

It’s a free country, as they say. Your boss is free to be a moron, and you’re free to quit. This kind of thing doesn’t qualify as a hostile work environment unless your employer attempts to retaliate against you for refusing to pray.

I highly recommend you learn to smirk at nonsense like this. Don’t let it make you uncomfortable. It’s not worth the hassle.

I’ve had a really unstable and dramatic life. Raped twice, molested by several family friends, beat by my parents and ex boyfriends, and much much more. I also am extremely bi polar (I’ve been diagnosed several different times by different psychiatrists since I was 6 years old). I’ve tried to get over my issues and just live life, be happy, and leave the bullshit behind. But I can’t help but let these things creep in. It ruined a long-term relationship, every relationship I’ve had since, and every friendship I have. My family hates me because of it and treat me like a monster. I’m afraid to get on medication for it, because I’ve done so much to overcome my past and make something of myself and I know if I get on medication my family will claim that I’m a quitter and take away all credit I’ve earned for what I have accomplished. But it’s really getting out of hand. I see a therapist, I know all the steps, I’ve tried to get over it, around it, through it, under it, and it’s just not working. I can’t continue to live my life a victim to my illness and my past and continuing to have suicide in the back of my mind every day of my life. My therapist recommends medication, and after struggling with self-harm and attempting suicide earlier this week I think she might be right. But I can’t help but feel guilty and like I’m admitting defeat if I get on medication for this.

You’ve already admitted defeat in the way you talk. You’ve given your disease the power to ruin your relationships, and you’ve given your family’s backward way of thinking the power to influence your mental health. Fuck all that.

Are people with brain tumors admitting defeat when they go on chemotherapy? Of course not. They are simply admitting that they have a disease. You are no different.

In your own mind, there should be no distinction between the neurophysiological disease of a brain tumor and the neurochemical disease of bipolar disorder. They are both measurably real. They are both beyond your control, and neither can simply be willed away.

Therapy is vital. No doubt the work you’ve done has helped manage the symptoms, but still, all the psychological tools in the world won’t fix your underlying brain chemistry.

Go on the medication, and don’t let anyone judge you for it. Fuck what your family thinks. You have no reason to feel guilty for taking control of your disease. At the same time, don’t let it define you. Your disease may affect your mood and behavior, but it is not you. Don’t give it the power to ruin your relationships.

You’re not a monster. You’re just a girl who’s been dealt a shitty hand, and you’re doing the best with what you’ve got.

Good luck with the meds. I hope that shit works for you.

Paris Fashion Week or Sundance? OMG WHICH ONE???

Park City or Paris? Are you fucking kidding me?

Sundance is okay if you’re in the mood to fuck a Mormon in the snow after day of shitty movies, but that doesn’t hold a candle to fucking a Frenchman in the City of Light after a day of runway shows.

Go to Paris.

But I’ve been to Paris loads of times and my movie is playing at Sundance. However, I just can’t shake off how much I love shows! Plus I have invites. WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?

If you’ve got a movie at the festival and your passport already has plenty of stamps, then fine, go freeze your tits off at Sundance.

Do us all a favor, though. Quit whining in capital letters. I know you’re trying to be funny, but it just makes everybody want to slap you.