Dear Coquette,

Does size really matter?
Yes

What is the difference between a “slow burn” relationship and a lukewarm one?
Fire.

Do we still live in a postmodern world?
I prefer Bret Easton Ellis’s notion of post-empire.

Would you allow yourself to be described as a socialite?
No, I work for a living. To be called a socialite implies otherwise.

What are your opinions on being friends with benefits with your ex?
You can’t be friends with benefits with an ex. You can have ex sex, but that’s not the same thing. 

I’ve heard that the time it takes to get over a break up is half the time you were together. How long can I wallow before getting it together?
Quit watching “Sex and the City” reruns, go take a long hot shower, and then call up a couple of friends and make them drag your pathetic ass out into public.

When a guy refers to a girl as intimidating, what he really means is???
That he believes her to be either sexually or intellectually more experienced than he is, and he finds her at least somewhat attractive.

When I think about why I want a relationship, I realize that it’s just because I don’t want to be alone, but that realization doesn’t make loneliness go away. How do I learn to be alone?
Loneliness is the negative emotion you feel when you are disconnected from others. Being alone is merely not being in the physical presence of others. Separate the idea of loneliness from the idea of being alone, and act accordingly.

Where does one draw the line between a slutty chick and one who lacks sexual morals/standards?
There is no line to draw, because those two things do not fall on the same spectrum. A woman who openly enjoys sex is not a variation of a woman who is sexually unprincipled.

Why do I always feel so guilty after hookups?
Because you were raised to believe that hooking up is a moral violation. There’s nothing inherently wrong with hooking up, but until you’re strong enough to develop a personal morality that is free of sexual shame, you will continue to feel guilty.

Dear Coquette,

What are you going to dress up as for halloween?
Boo, the world’s cutest dog.

If you had to choose one of the GOP candidates, who would it be?
Fred Karger.

What are you currently reading? Yes, I’m looking for a new stimulating book to read.
“This Is Where I Leave You,” by Jonathan Tropper. It’s hilarious and heartfelt.

Do you read books on paper exclusively? How do you feel about e-readers?
My books never run out of batteries.

What do you think is the future of the publishing industry?
Longer-lasting batteries.

What’s the best way to go in for a kiss with someone you’ve known for a while?
With your head, but without your mind.

Is bad kissing a deal breaker?
Yes.

I walked downstairs to find my dad rushing away from the computer and pulling up his pants the other night. How do I act around him now?
Loudly, especially as you walk down the stairs.

Why is it that when I’m dating a guy and I start showing more interest, they decide to disappear?
Because you don’t know the difference between showing interest and acting needy.

I am constantly able to hear my neighbors having sex … what should I do?!
Record them, mix in some fresh beats, and drop a CD off on their doorstep.

What do you think of the Mississippi movement to define a person as existing at the moment of conception?
It’s yet another round of regressive, wrong-headed ridiculousness from the religious right.

I find what you say to be interesting, but do you ever get tired of being so cynical? Do you honestly like anyone in this world, aside from yourself?
Ryan Gosling seems pretty likable.

Give me some reassurance that my life isn’t pointless.
No. Go get it yourself.

So you’ve done wedding vows. Would you be willing to do tattoos?
Fuck yeah. You know how to reach me.

My boyfriend went down on me but apparently it tasted disgusting, what should I do?
Eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Wash your fucking vagina.

Where do you fall on the Kinsey scale?
Two and three quarters.

Judy Garland or Katharine Hepburn?
Tallulah Bankhead.

What do you do when you suddenly find yourself sexually attracted to people other than your significant other?
I enjoy it while maintaining my integrity.

Hey CT, usually I agree with what you say, but I’m still not sure why you would want to wear the word cunt around your neck. Explain?
If I have to explain it to you, you couldn’t pull it off anyway.

You’ve said that prostitutes sell sex and whores sell their principles. I’m a prostitute, not a whore, and it feels wrong to sleep with a married man even though I’m turning down a lot of money. Is that incredibly naive?
It’s not naive at all. I totally respect that as a sex worker, you refuse to knowingly participate in infidelity. Ethically, you’re kind of a badass.

What is your definition of naive?
An innocent lack of sophistication.

Whats the difference between a hooker and a porn star?
A camera.

Saw on a gossip site Rihanna wearing a cunt necklace? Is it yours? If so, that’s awesome.
No, no. She had the word cunt engraved on a nameplate like some tacky shit at the mall. My bling is way more deluxe than that.

Answer my question!
Okay.

Who are you thinking of voting for in the 2012 presidential election?
Obama.

Do better looking people have better lives?
Yep.

What’s the best way to apologize?
Oral.

If cocaine could be any other color, what would you make it?
Pink.

you’re a bit of a libertine, aren’t you?
Duh.

What’s your opinion on Mississippi as a whole?
You spelled hole wrong.

My boyfriend and I want to have a threesome. Do you want to join us?
Maybe. Are you hot?

do you even use the questions of other people or do you make them up yourself?
I’ve never made up a single question.

what’s the protocol for behavior after sucking a guys dick then catching unmutual feelings?
Swallow.

What would you recommend as the most graceful reaction to waking up to your friends having sex next to you?
Join in.

Lennon or McCartney?
Harrison.

Your thoughts on Lana del Rey?
I’d like to watch a grainy Super 8 film where Hope Sandoval and Tori Amos take turns punching her in the throat.

Sometimes I worry about what my taste in porn says about me as a person.
How do you think the porn stars feel?

Is it possible to be a feminist and still wear high heels and makeup? I just can’t seem to merge the two.
That’s because you don’t understand feminism, and you aren’t comfortable in your own skin.

What’s greater than God, more evil then the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it, and if you eat it you’ll die?
Grinning idiots like to say “nothing,” but a far superior answer is “my pussy.”

I lost my virginity recently using a condom you sent with a cunt necklace from the coquette boutique. Thank you coketalk!
You’re welcome. Stay classy.

I’m getting married soon too, and I would love to see what the vows you come up with are like. Could you post parts of them if the couple is cool with it?
Sure thing. I posted the vows over at Coke Talk.

Please tell me you’re coming back to NYC for fashion week? The city is so much more exciting with you running around in it.
Funny you should mention that…

Please, please, PLEASE make a book.
Again, funny you should mention that…

What are your weaknesses?
On behalf of everyone who’s been asked this in a job interview, go fuck yourself.

How many times have you been proposed to?
Four.

Were you that fabulous chick at the downtown standard pool I bummed a cigarette to three Sundays ago?
Maybe.

Would you fuck Ari Gold from Entourage? What’s your take on the Ari Gold character?
Hush, Jeremy Piven.

Does your opinion of marriage cause tension between you and your about-to-be-wed best friend?
Hell no. My opinion of marriage makes me the best maid of honor on the planet.

Is the American economy really fucked?
Gently with a chainsaw.

I drunkenly hooked up with my best friend. What the fuck do we do now?
Laugh about it.

I wish I was famous.
Why?

Will you be joining us on this new Google+ thing?
Okay, I’ll give it a try, but if shit gets Facebookish, I’m out.

What do you think about Wendi Deng and the whole pie incident?
Ninja bitches know where their bread is buttered.

rum and coke or white russian?
Grey Goose on the rocks. I don’t waste time with mixers.

Favorite Champagne?
Krug for special occasions and Perrier-Jouët for everyday bubblin’.

Any advice for a young female entreprenuer?
Learn how to spell entrepreneur.

You are a product of power relations.
You are a product of sociology classes.

How can you tell they’re republicans?
Democrats take off their wedding rings.

I can’t decide if I want to major in something totally humanitarian or high culture.. It’s hard to tell which one is a phase.
The phase is thinking anyone gives a shit about your major.

Your search function is really broken.
It’s tumblr. Their search function has always been a shit show. Whoever fixes that mess deserves a million blowjobs.