On fun-sized advice

Your take on the Ferguson Riots?
You mean the Ferguson Police Action?

Is everything extra fucked recently, or am I just paying more attention?

How are we going to make it through this fucking month?
This is nothing.

How do I respond to people that keep saying that Ferguson wasn’t racially motivated and that we “don’t know what really happened?”
Call them racist and watch their heads explode. It’s fun. (Anyone who still thinks the events in Ferguson aren’t racially motivated is in denial about their own latent racism. Go ahead and push their buttons. Fuck with them. They’re assholes, and they deserve it.)

Update more. I need your words injected directly into my veins, please.
I appreciate that, but I’m over here trying to take the whole month of August off. Turns out, I can’t unplug. Not really, and certainly not now when real shit is happening in the world. I’ll be back in a couple weeks. Maybe sooner. We’ll see. In the meantime, I’m only gonna be posting if I can’t help myself.

On bad dating advice

I’m no Mensa material, but I’m smart; not hot, but pretty and fit; well-educated (medicine graduate next year) and open-minded (thanks to traveling, mostly). I am also a yoga teacher and know 4 languages. Now, I’m no ideal and I’m not looking for an ideal man either; neither do I want a copy of myself. I just want somebody equal, a partner. My grandma has recently told me that, with my brains and confidence, I probably scare men away, and I should lower my expectations (and pretend to be less smart and versatile, basically). Is she right? Is it that men I’d consider equal are not interested in women like me because they can, as a rule, “do better”? Thanks.

Listen up, everyone: STOP LISTENING TO DATING ADVICE FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS. Yes, they love you very much, and you love them too. No doubt they are adorable and wise and they have your best interests at heart, but that doesn’t mean they have the slightest clue what it’s like for those of us trying to find a life partner in this century.

Everything your grandmother told you was wrong. You don’t scare men away. You scare boys away, (and that’s a good thing). If your expectations really are just to find an equal, then they are perfectly reasonable, and you shouldn’t lower them. Don’t pretend to be less smart or versatile. That’s insane. (Sure, playing dumb can come in handy every once in a while, but it’s not something you do with a man you respect.)

A man who is your equal by definition won’t be preoccupied with “doing better” than you. I think you may be in a mindset where you believe there is a certain tier of men that are your equal, that it’s something you can identify based on a list of skills and accomplishments. That’s your real problem. You’re looking for a guy who looks good on paper.

I get that you’re a box checker. It’s obvious that’s your style, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but try not to define your equal by matching up resumes. That kind of dating profile mathematics is an exercise in pure frustration.

On a crush junkie

There’s always been a guy in my life who I am completely obsessed with and/or devastated by. It’s the same formula each time: great sex, he’s aloof and emotionally reserved, I agonize over his text messages. I feel like shit during the entire thing, but I crave his attention/validation so much, contact with him is like a high. What is wrong w/ me and how do I fix it?

You just listed what’s wrong with you. Congratulations. You’ve correctly identified your dysfunctional pattern of behavior, and that’s the first step towards fixing it.

The second step is giving it a name. Some folks like to call what you’ve got a “love addiction.” I prefer the term “crush junkie,” because it’s not actual love, nor is it an actual addiction.

The third step is breaking the pattern. This is where things get difficult, because it’s entirely up to you to change your behavior. Stop obsessing over guys. Stop giving them the power to devastate you. Sure, that’s easier said than done, but it’s a lot easier to do when you start recognizing that your boy-crazy bullshit — all the attention seeking behavior and desperate need for validation — it’s all just a substitute for having actual self-respect and self-worth.

Find your own internal source of validation, and let it be independent of any relationship. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s necessary for you to stay emotional healthy, and it will help you to consciously choose not to let yourself get wrapped up in the experience of infatuation.

You can still enjoy the early romantic stages of a relationship, but when you can resist the urge to obsess over a guy because you know in your heart you don’t need his validation, you’ll also find that you won’t feel like shit anymore.

On fun-sized advice

I am not familiar with the idea of a cigar of shame.
You’re obviously too young to remember the Clinton Presidency.

Have you ever dated someone really rich? What’s it like? And don’t get cute with me talking about metaphorical wealth I mean $$$$$$
You realize that when you date someone wealthy, it doesn’t suddenly become your money, right?

How do I get and keep a rich boyfriend?
You’re not hot enough.

I’m having trouble distinguishing the difference between one bad instance and a mark of true character. How do you tell?

A guy I just started dating and I had sex for the first time in the middle of the day and he was going down on me while Sam Smith was on and it was the best orgasm ever. Now I can’t stop listening to Sam Smith.
Nice. That’s how I became a fan of alt-J.

Why is everybody like “Robin Williams” and nobody like “Lauren Bacall”? It’s Lauren Bacall, for Christ’s sake!
Lauren Bacall is a legend and a badass, but she hasn’t been culturally relevant for half a century. Plus, she died during the refractory period of our collective grief-gasm for Robin Williams. We didn’t have another one in us quite yet.

Thoughts on D/s relationships? Have you ever been in one, and do you have any advice for someone who’s considering it? I’d appreciate it.
I’ve been in several. It’s not really my thing anymore, nor is it the kind of subject where generic advice is particularly useful, and since I don’t know anything about you, the best I can do is point you to a book called SM 101 and either the Bottoming Book or the Topping Book (or both).

If it is all about oil then would we as a nation be smart to do what Germany is doing and move quickly to 100% renewable energy? Or we might keep our ban on exporting oil and use all the oil we just found in Utah to stay caked in the stuff till we no longer need it. Thoughts?

If we were smart, we wouldn’t just make it about us. We’d spearhead a multinational push for renewable energy. I talk about that more in depth in my post "On Our Ecosystem."

On cigars of shame

I’m confused about why you’d reward someone for referring to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect…?

This question is in reference to my tweets that "I’m gonna go steal a box of cigars today," and "Anyone who refers to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect is gonna get one of my stolen cigars and a fucking lesson in victim blaming."

You’re confused because you fail to understand that this is not a cigar of reward. It is a cigar of shame.

If someone refers to Michael Brown as a robbery suspect instead of a shooting victim, that asshole gets a cigar to prove a point that says, “Here. I stole this cigar. Now you’ve got a stolen cigar. Are either of us any less human? Do the police suddenly have the right to murder us in the streets?”

Whether Michael Brown shoplifted a pack of Swishers from a convenience store is completely fucking irrelevant to the excessive use of force by police, and it’s disgusting that the Ferguson Police Department would try and use some petty teenage misconduct to shift attention away from their murderous violence.

On playing chess in the desert

So what you’re really saying about Israel is that it’s the rook protecting the king, the United States/West from harm and blame, and the Palestinians are being exploited for the sake of continuing instability in the middle east to ensure western dominance. Or am I misunderstanding something?

America isn’t the king. America is the player. The king is the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, and as the rook, Israel isn’t so much protecting the king as it is left vulnerable to attack while the king uses the rook for shade.

Since you guys seem so interested in exploring this chess metaphor, the opposing king is the Islamic Republic of Iran. The opposing player is either China or Russia, depending on the move. (Although some would say at this point, America is also playing against itself.)

The queen is Iraq, although it could also be Egypt, depending on the game. (Egypt used to be the queen until Sadat was assassinated. After that, diplomatic relations shifted, and Iraq became the queen. Hell, under Nasser, Egypt was the opposing queen.) The opposing queen is currently the Assad regime in Syria, and the opposing castled rook equivalent would be Hezbollah.

Both sides use Palestinians as pawns. America uses the State of Palestine as a pawn, and the opposing side uses Hamas as a pawn. Either way, pawns are meant for sacrificing, and the Palestinian people suffer.

Oh, and the game isn’t about western dominance. The game is about global energy policy. In a word, oil. Everything else is public relations.

On fun-sized advice

please talk about mike brown. please.please bring light as to what’s happening in Ferguson.
Fuck. The. Police.

What do you mean by “Israel is a castled rook, and the Palestinians are pawns”?

Learn how to play chess, read a book on geopolitical strategy, and figure it out for yourself.

Why would anyone want to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than small fish in a big pond?
So as not to get eaten.

Am I an asshole for doing whatever it means for me to succeed, even if it means ripping out peoples’ throats if they get in my way?
Yes. In fact, you’re an asshole just for talking like that.

Your playlists don’t pause. Please add functionality.

Yes they do. The play button turns into a pause button and appears in the lower left of the album cover art during playback. Pay attention.

Your Robin Williams entry made me feel ill. “A father figure for our generation”? He acted in a few hollywood comedies that you watched; that’s the extent of the involvement he had in your life. Stop grasping at straws to turn a hollywood suicide into a way to make this about you.
Ew. You’re a gross little person. I hope you really did feel ill. I hope it was physically debilitating. I hope it ruined your whole night, and I hope in the future, you get that same ill feeling every time your emotional ignorance causes you to miss the fucking point. Maybe then you’d stop acting like such a piece of shit.

On timing

Is falling in love all about timing? Should it be the perfect timing like when both sides need to bound to someone and that hot smart partner you just met suddenly becomes a pure love?

Yes. Falling in love is equal parts chemistry and timing, but that’s not much of an insight. Hell, the entire fucking universe is equal parts chemistry and timing.

Still, don’t get too wrapped up in notions like “perfect timing” or “pure love.” That’s fairy-tale thinking, and it’s not how the world works.

Sure, serendipity exists, and it’s wonderful when it happens, but resist the urge to equate that kind of thing with magical ideas like destiny or fate rather than just the dumb fucking luck that it is.

On dating an addict

Heard a suspicious phone call between my girl and her old dope dealer. Conversation ended with “Hey I need to text you about that” I know she’s already relapsed, and she’s been sober less than three weeks, and she shoots it up and she’s like severely malnourished and sickly from how much she was doing. Good enough reason to look through her phone?

Maybe, but don’t think of it as a good enough reason to look through her phone. Think further ahead than that.

If you take those first steps and violate her privacy, then you have to be willing to follow through with a potentially relationship ending intervention.

Are you prepared to face the consequences? Because whatever turns up on her phone, this shit isn’t gonna end well. It’s either gonna confirm what you already know to be true, or it’s evidence that neither of you can trust one another in the first place.

You’re fucked either way, so you know, do what you gotta do to keep her safe right up until you’re done, and once you’re done, stay fucking done.