Advice

On a capitalism reading list

“We are surrounded by capitalist tools. The trick is not using them for their intended purpose.” Would you make a reading list based on this, please?


Sure. Here’s a trio of easily accessible books that will give you a broad but critical overview of the current state of American capitalism:

Supercapitalism by Robert Reich

The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein

Profit Over People by Noam Chomsky

If you wanna go a bit further down the rabbit hole:

The Capitalism Papers by Jerry Mander

America Beyond Capitalism by Gar Alperovitz

And finally, if you’re in the mood for a challenging, interdisciplinary mindfuck, here’s the cherry on top:

The End Of Capitalism (As We Knew It): A Feminist Critique of Political Economy by J. K. Gibson-Graham

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Advice

On calling it a day

People are really up in arms about this art school bullshit. Why do people take everything you say so personally?

Nah, nobody really gives a shit. Sometimes on Friday afternoons I like to fuck around, and the art school kids are just an easy target because they take themselves so seriously.

Fuck it. It’s such a beautiful day out, I should probably just start the weekend early and head for the nearest hotel pool.

Wheee!

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Advice

On the peace corps

Why do you see the Peace Corps as the primary direction the art school reject should take in light of the recent criticisms the Peace Corps has faced in the last few years for perpetuating poverty and functioning more as a performance than a true service activity?

Seriously? Of all the legitimate social injustice in the world, you cynical assholes are really gonna jump on the Peace Corps like it’s some Kony 2012 shit? Ugh. Of course you are.

 

What’s so great about the Peace Corps? I don’t honestly see the correlation between denial of worldly possessions and working for an international development organization funded by the world’s most powerful country/imperial superpower.

I was really just using the Peace Corps as an ideological placeholder for selflessly dedicating one’s life to volunteer service, but hey, thanks for shitting all over my point.

 

The Peace Corps? Seriously? I know you’re not naive enough to believe that it is anything other than a capitalist tool to facilitate expansion through “white man’s burden” ideology.

Allow me to teach you a lesson in capitalist tools. First, go out and buy yourself a big white dildo. Then, using a permanent marker, write the following line of wisdom all around the shaft:

“We are surrounded by capitalist tools. The trick is not using them for their intended purpose.”

Now take the dildo, and go fuck yourself.

 

My best friend did get rid of all her worldly possessions and join the Peace Corps. She’s been in Ethiopia for two years now, and it’s the best decision she’s ever made. Your advice was sound. It’s a brilliant fucking move, no sarcasm.

Cool, cool. Unfortunately, a bunch of insufferable twats have smarmy political opinions that need validating, so you should probably let your friend know that her service is really just a performance that naively perpetuates poverty and facilitates the expansion of “white man’s burden” ideology.

I mean, it’s not like she went out into the world and dedicated her life to actually helping people or anything.

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Advice

On mixing friendships and relationships

Up until a month ago, my guy best friend and I (a girl) talked all day, every day – we were best buds. A few weeks ago we stopped talking, and I would ask why, and he would ignore the fact that we haven’t been talking or blame it on being busy. I found out today that he’s been seeing someone. Why would that affect if he can talk to me or not? Why would that affect our friendship?

Yeah, sometimes friends disappear when they fall into new romantic relationships. It’s just one of those things that happens. It sucks, and you can be angry about it, but don’t act like an idiot. He’s getting his emotional needs filled by her now, and there’s a decent chance that she doesn’t want him hanging out with you. It should be obvious how that would affect your friendship.

Try not to take this personally. I know that sounds impossible, but I promise, this isn’t about you. He doesn’t think any less of you, and the new girl doesn’t even know you. This is about the quality of their character, not yours. That’s cold comfort, of course, but it’s important to understand that you aren’t being rejected so much as he’s just being a shitty friend.

 

Hi Coquette. I’m hanging out with my best friend’s ex tomorrow. He’s a cool person and I know nothing will happen because I have a lot of respect for my best friend and my boyfriend (and so does he) but I feel a lot of anxiety because I feel like I’ll have to lie to them about where I’m going and who I’m going with. I’m a shitty liar, especially to the people I love and I’m getting anxiety because I don’t know if hanging out with him will cause either of them to lose some trust in me or make them upset. But I really want to fucking hang out with this cool person. Do I just need to fucking relax? I’m making a big deal over nothing, aren’t I?

Nope. This is a big deal. You’re making a huge mistake, and if you’re not careful it could very easily ruin everyone’s relationship.

If you feel like you have to lie to your best friend and your boyfriend in order to hang out with your best friend’s ex, then you’re already doing something wrong. You damn well know it’s wrong, and the anxiety you’re feeling is you conscience screaming at you that it is all very, very wrong. Listen to your conscience…

It doesn’t matter if nothing happens between you and your best friend’s ex. That’s not the point. The point is you’re betraying your best friend and your boyfriend by not telling them. You are deliberately deceiving them through an act of omission, and there will be consequences when everything comes to light.

You should also take a hard look at whatever shady part of you wants to hang out with your best friend’s ex. It’s not innocent, and you damn well know it. (If it was innocent, you’d have no problem being open with everyone involved.)

 

I want to sleep with my friend’s ex-wife, should I?

Hell no. What kind of moral cripple asks a question like this? Your friend’s exes are off-limits. Everyone knows this. Unless your friend explicitly sets you up with an ex and everyone involved is cool with it, never sleep with a friend’s ex. Even under those rare circumstances, it’s still probably a bad idea.

 

(Nerve)

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Advice

On why art school kids are annoying

I’m curious what your problem with art school is. I’m aware that a BFA isn’t really for everybody (or sometimes, even worse, is falsely made for everybody), but I’m unclear as to where your disgust for art school comes from.

I don’t have a disgust for art school, and the reason you’re often unclear about things is because you suffer from black-and-white thinking.

I was answering a much larger question from someone stuck wearing art school blinders. I had to smack them upside the head with a big crazy idea to make them realize that life is so much fucking bigger than a couple of art school rejection letters.

 

How would someone be dodging a bullet by not getting into art school? I got in a few years ago, owned it and was immediately put on a design degree without an interview, aced that too and now I’m in my dream job working as a designer and travelling the world.

If I hadn’t been to art school, learnt my shit, made good connections and worked my ass off, there’s no way I’d be where I am today. Maybe some have a different view of art school to what it really is, maybe Yale is pretentious and useless (I have no idea, I’m from Europe) but what I do know is the art school taught me a lot, including better process, ideas generation, fine art skills (that actually got me noticed for the job I have now) and most importantly, commerciality in art and design.

Ok fine, I seem offended by your comment, but really, I’m just saying art school can be brilliant, and it being a bullet to dodge isn’t something I could easily agree with.

Of course, of course. Not only was my advice completely wrong, but I failed to take into account your specific life experiences when answering that other person’s question that wasn’t even really about art school.

Congratulations on all your success, and I sincerely hope the world keeps revolving around you.

 

So you think art is a waste of time? Or only that being an artist is wasting your life?

No, silly. Art isn’t a waste time. Then again, being an artist might be a waste of your life, but only because you’re too stupid to understand the difference between being an artist and getting into art school.

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Advice

On the ripple effect

You are a giant fucking asshole, bitter to the core. I agree with your existential nihilism, but don’t put your self-hatred on everyone else who asks a fucking question, bitch.

This was the immediate response to me telling someone to get rid of all their worldly possessions and join the Peace Corps.

Goddamn, I love this fucking sport.

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Advice

On finding a balance

I got an interview to Yale school of art and then got denied. I got denied from my back up school too. Now I have no clue what I should do with my year. I’m really tired of working my shitty day job and trying to have a studio practice. I’m too drained (physically and emotionally) to do both, and now I feel like I’m doing a shitty job at both. I’m self aware enough to know I’m being a fucking brat, but how do I stop acting like a fucking brat and find a balance that makes me happy?


You wanna stop acting like a fucking brat? Okay. Quit your shitty day job. Sell, give, or throw away all your worldly possessions. Join the fucking Peace Corps.

You dodged a fucking bullet by not getting into art school. Now quit wasting your life and go do something that scares the shit out of you.

Oh, and since you asked, do you wanna know why you’ll never find a balance that makes you happy? Because you think I’m fucking kidding.

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Advice

On fighting it and winning

What ever happened to the girl who was kicked out of college for saying she was raped? I keep her in my prayers, so please let us know if you hear back!

Yes. I’ve kept in touch with her these past few months, and her case has reached a point where it’s okay for me to update everyone. According to her, “Now that it’s definitely happening, feel free to tell the world. It’s going to be a good fight.”

So yeah, it’s all good news. Shortly after the original post, she got in touch with her local district attorney who put her in touch with the appropriate women’s legal advocacy group. They agreed to take on her case, and she began gearing up for a fight.

It took some time, but the lawyers proved effective. Not only were all of the charges against her dropped, but the college realized how badly they screwed up, and they readmitted her with their humblest apologies.

Nevertheless, she’s moving forward with a fairly significant lawsuit, and she seems confident that she has a good chance of winning. Her lawyers think the case may get some publicity, so we’ll see what happens. As she puts it, “I’m sure as hell not letting this go.”

Fuck yeah.

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Best-Of Advice

On pressure to have kids

My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for 3 of them. Even before we were married, but especially after, there has been a lot of pressure for us to have kids. Coquette, we just don’t wanna.

We like our lives just as they are. We get to take nice trips and drive nice cars. We just don’t have that urge to be parents.

I do flip flop on this decision every now and then, usually when a close friend has a baby or sometimes when my parents put the “you are robbing us of grand parenthood” pressure on extra thick. I turned 35 yesterday so the point of no return is looming ever closer.

Are we making a huge mistake?

Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, it’s you and your husband’s decision to make. No one else’s.

I’m sure your parents are lovely people, but fuck what they think. Fuck the pressure they put on you to make major life decisions for their sake, and fuck their selfish desire to become grandparents at your expense.

This is the world our parents made. The American Dream is a smoldering pile of shit. We’re stuck cleaning up their mess, and yet somehow we’re robbing them of grand-parenthood? Fuck them. That’s what they get for robbing an entire generation of the economic security it takes to responsibly become parents.

Fuck every last Baby Boomer who feels entitled to give any of us shit for our choices. They’re so used to having all their dreams come true, they don’t even know how insulting that shit sounds.

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Advice

On your silly crushes

I have a knack for developing crushes on men that turn out to be unavailable. I overheard the last guy I had a huge crush on (I work at a coffee shop and every time he came in I would start shaking a little) telling someone that he’s not looking for a girlfriend right now. The guy I currently like is divorced, and it wasn’t that long ago that the marriage ended. I’m assuming he’s fairly unavailable as well. Anyways, is there something wrong with me? It’s not like I see a wedding ring and then I’m attracted to them…I literally just develop very strong crushes on guys that turn out to be unavailable for one reason or another.

If you’re in your late teens or early twenties, then there’s nothing wrong with you that a few good years of maturity won’t naturally fix. If you’re in your thirties, then perhaps you’re a bit of a shallow twit, but even that’s correctable with a little well-timed introspection.

Either way, your problem isn’t what you think it is. I understand why you’d be concerned if you thought you were only capable of being attracted to unavailable men, but that’s not what I’m hearing from you. What I’m hearing is that you seem to have confused infatuation with more legitimate romantic emotions.

Crushes aren’t that big a deal, especially if you’re still in a phase of life where you’re having a lot of them…

Read the rest of this week’s column over at Nerve.com.

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