Any tips for running an anonymous blog?
Um, don’t put your name on it, and don’t tell anyone that you write it. Duh.

Surely someone has asked you about Casey Anthony by now?
Casey who?

Who’s your favorite KCRW DJ?
Anne Litt

What do you think of guys who tell you things like, “I’m hung”?
Very little.

I smoke weed everyday, is that too often?
You’ve probably crossed the line from smoking recreationally to using it as a coping method. Don’t let that shit become a crutch. Get your life in balance.

I want to have anal sex with my boyfriend and all these “give yourself an enema” website recommendations are making me nervous. Is that really necessary???
It’s overkill. Just take a shit and a shower, and you’ll be fine.

Today is the 7th anniversary of my brother’s death. I know heaven doesn’t exist and that he isn’t watching over me. Does it make me stupid and/or a hypocrite to still “talk” to my brother when I miss him?
Talk to your brother all you’d like. There is no heaven, and he’s not watching over you, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still very much a part of you.

i recently returned from a deployment to iraq, where we would frequent your writings for a brief reprieve of humor.  thank you for incredible wordsmithing.
Awesome. I hope you never have to go back.

How do you find purpose and meaning in a life that might be/is inherently meaningless?
Find out where you are on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Aim higher.

Read through the CT archives during a sleepless night. Good shit. Why don’t you believe in role models, though?
In our culture, fame is the first and often only criteria for becoming a role model, and that is insane. Besides, heroes are for children and idiots.

Threesome with an ex and his new girlfriend: hot or stupid?
Yep.

What is the weirdest thing you have ever snorted coke off of?
Penis.

Why do you think in general, us gay men are so promiscuous?
Penis.

Why do most people take life so seriously?
Penis.

Thoughts on Kreayshawn?
She is the human equivalent of a fake ID.

how do i make a long relationship start being more fun again?
Become swingers.

Thoughts and feelings on nipple tassels?
Every time I see them I think, “Oh look, her boobs just graduated from college.”

Is it more important to be respected or loved?
Important to whom?

I vaguely remember reading that you masturbate every day. Girl! How could you possibly have time for this?
You vaguely remember reading that? Were you reading Vague Magazine?

Now that’s its supposedly made its way to LA, what’s your take on all this levamisol talk?
Yesterday, I saw a billboard advertising 50 Chicken McNuggets for $9.99. This town has bigger problems than cocaine additives, is all I’m sayin’.

i think i have you all figured out.
I bet you think strippers really like you too.

W.W.C.T.D? Use Blackberry or iPhone?
Both. Gotta keep work and play separate.

You talk a lot about having fun. Where do you draw the line?
Country music.

just washed down my antidepressant with the little bit of semen left in my mouth. thought of you.
How lovely, and just in time for Father’s Day!

I don’t think there’s much wrong with someone being a “slut”, would you agree?
Congratulations on being the first dude to creep me out with nothing but a pair of quotation marks.

Is it wrong to date your cousin’s husband’s cousin?
Only if you cousin’s husband is also your brother, and if that were the case, I doubt you’d bother asking.

You’re censored by the Chinese government. Fuck yeah.
It’s nothing to celebrate. Fuck the PRC.

Is going to a music festival on your own tragic?
Hell no. Rock out. Make new friends.

What happened to your readers? They all became whiny 22 year old cunts.
It’s graduation season. This is what happens.

How do you tell a guy you just started dating that you would rather just have anal without coming across like a weird horndog?
Use your words, darling. Just look him in the eye and say, “I like it in the ass.” Don’t be bashful.

What are your thoughts on an open relationship in college? How can I be more open to the idea itself? His idea, not mine.
It can’t just be his idea. It has to be yours too. You both have to want it, or it’s gonna end in disaster. Be honest with yourself. If you know you don’t want it, don’t put up with it. If he can’t handle that, go your separate ways.

Dear Coquette,

What is your favorite Muppet? And why?
Animal, because he’s a drummer.

I don’t think I respect my husband anymore. Is there any way to fix this?
That’s up to him.

What’s the worst thing a person can do?
Hate.

Am I supposed to be having fun in college?
You’re supposed to be having fun in life, my dear.

What are your thoughts on assisted suicide?
I consider the right to die as absolute and inalienable as the right to live.

At what point does Republican distrust and hatred of the government and effort to dismantle and cripple it begin to resemble treason?
Treason is a crime against a nation, not a government. You mean sedition. Also, you really need to relax. 

I’m gay and my life will fall apart if anyone finds out, what should I do?
Start changing the circumstances of your life that keep you from being true to yourself.

“Pulp Fiction” or “Kill Bill?”
True Romance.

How do you become hard to get? Do you just have to be an amazing/cool person and choosy about who you date?
It’s not about being cool and choosy. It’s about knowing yourself and having high standards.

How do you forgive someone?
Let go of all your anger and resentment for them.

What do you think of the saying “youth is wasted on the young”?
I think it’s equally valid as saying wisdom is wasted on the old.

Is the belief that it’s all gonna work out (even if it doesn’t work like you planned it) hopeless optimism or smiling peace?
It’s hopeless optimism if you expect a happy ending. It’s smiling peace if you have no expectations at all.

What are your religious beliefs?
I’m not one for irrational delusions.

How do I not grow up to be a man-child?
Actually grow the hell up.

I’m going to Italy, do you want anything while I’m out?
Sure, I’ll take a Maserati GranTurismo Convertible, please.

Any advice for a 14 year old girl?
Read books. Ignore all of the magazines. Cultivate your own style. Develop informed opinions about world events. Pick smart boys, and whatever you do, don’t get pregnant. Smile more often. Love yourself.

I started stripping three weeks ago. Should I pay taxes?
Fuck yes. Don’t ever give the IRS a reason to look at you. Also, be a fucking grown-up. Treat your shit like a business. Track your expenses. Stage fees, outfits, hair, nails, tanning, all of it — write off everything.

how do you suck a dick?
With enthusiasm.

You are personally responsible for how much I love oral sex (both giving and receiving). Thank you. So much.
See what a little enthusiasm can do?

I feel I am experiencing an existential crises of sorts. Nihilism has worked it’s way into my thought processes and any conscious effort I make to counteract the inherent negativity gets me nowhere. Help.
Your shitty attitude is the problem, not nihilism. So what if life is meaningless? Quit being all butthurt about it and have some fun.

Does it matter who started it?
Nothing matters.

Does the size of a guy’s penis matter?
Yes.

You contradict yourself so often in your writing. Its actually hilarious to read some of your articles and see what a self righteous cunt you are. That being said it is hard to stop reading your articles. Well done?
Thank you.

How the fuck do I get my family to stop calling Western people slutty whores? I’m 13 (young, yes, but very wise) and apparently, because I’m female and a “little kid”, I’m not allowed opinions.
Don’t bother changing your family, sweetheart. Just grow up to be a slutty whore with lots of opinions.

why do you like drummers?
They know how to fuck.

How can I stop defining myself by who I’m dating and instead find self worth through my career?
You’re wrong twice, babe.

i wish there was a like button for your posts. some of them are pure genius.
You see the little star at the end of every post with the words SHARE THIS next to it? Click that shit.

Journalism major and English minor or English major and Journalism minor? I’m aspiring to be a Journalist. Which would be more beneficial?
It doesn’t matter. No one will ever give a fuck about your major. Go with whichever department has a better reputation, and just be an excellent writer.

How do I suggest Viagra to my husband without crushing his ego?
Lady, if he still wanted to fuck you, you wouldn’t have to suggest it.

The Rapture is tomorrow! So they say. In honor of the event: What’s your favorite sin?
Blasphemy every day of the week and apostasy on Sundays.

when should you start fucking someone else after a relationship ends?
Whenever you want, but remember, a break-up isn’t the same thing as the end of a relationship.

i want to get a tattoo on my inner lip. i was thinking of the word ‘vice’ or ‘wonderlust’ … help a bitch out and give me something ballsy & badass.
Wonderlust? Ugh. If you’re gonna do something that stupid, at least be funny. Get “Slot B” tattooed on your inner lip, and then go around offering blowjobs to any guy with “Tab A” tattooed on his dick.

Your feelings on anal? The man-friend is asking for it, and I’m open to it, just not sure what to expect.
Expect a cock up your ass.

Have any good Mother’s Day gift ideas?
A Honey Cunt necklace from the Coquette Boutique. Duh.

Please eat a hamburger. Thank you.
I’m about to go double double animal style on your ass.

Why do you use tanning beds? Aren’t you afraid of getting skin cancer?
Don’t be such a pussy.

Is there a link that takes me to all the good music you post on Coke Talk?
Yes, here or here.

Is the one you love supposed to piss you off like no other creature on this planet?
It should be possible but not probable.

How do I fuck my professor?
On a curve.

You’re getting boring.
No, sweetheart. You’re getting bored. Big difference.

How can you tell if a guy likes you or if he just wants to fuck you?
Fuck him and then see if the phone rings.

I just finished college!!!
My condolences.

I noticed you are not from LA but it seems to me that you’ve successfully “made it” here. What was it like when you first moved here?
Exactly the fucking same. Completely fucking different. You’ll know what I mean in a decade.

Why did William AND Harry both have on spurs during the Royal Wedding?
Maybe they’re fans of Tim Duncan.

Me and my friends are throwing a party in 2 weeks.. What do you think our theme should be? Help us out!
Go big. Do a theme like “The Seventy-Two Virgins of Osama bin Laden” or something delightfully tacky like that.